UNR Graduate finds biological parents after almost 30 years
Written by: Scott Oxarart
Korean Air flight KA02 took University of Nevada, Reno graduate Nathan Sung Budziak to Seoul, South Korea, on April 23.
He was nervous.
The 14-hour flight tired his body, but his mind raced with uncertainty. Budziak's family waited for him at the baggage claim, anxious to see him, greet him, hold him and love him.
Budziak, 27, pulled his luggage off the carousel and made eye contact with his father, then his mother.
It was awkward.
Budziak's father spoke broken English. His mother began crying and wouldn't let go of his hand.
They hugged him like they'd never seen Budziak before.
That's because they had never met.
Budziak, a Millennium scholar from Fernley, was placed for adoption by his birth mother the day after he was born in 1983 in Seoul.
The family reunited recently after Budziak tracked them down following a business trip to China in December.
"I felt like I was gaining a family," Budziak said. "But from their perspective, they lost a member of the family and got him back. There were definitely different emotions."
For Budziak's father, Dae Suk Ki, the moment was bittersweet. Dae Suk thought his son was dead.
Dae Suk was in the late stages of liver cancer when Budziak was born. His wife, Soon Ja Lee Ki, lied about the adoption and told him their son died at birth.
'We were not fit to be your parents'
When Budziak was born, his mother was holding him in one room, while his father was in a different hospital receiving treatment for liver cancer.
Seoul's best cancer doctors said they couldn't cure Dae Suk. The hospital later turned him away because the family had no money.
Soon Ja Lee sold artwork on the streets and earned about $250 per month, while Dae Suk was unemployed and on what many thought was his death bed. The couple already had two daughters and lived in a one-bedroom house.
Budziak's mother felt she had no choice but to make an adoption plan for her son.
"Your birthmother was all by herself when she had to give birth to you," Dae Suk wrote in a translated email to Budziak last year. "(She was) not able to tell me since I was in no condition to be there for her. ... We were not fit to be your parents from the beginning."
But the circumstances changed. Soon after the birth, Dae Suk's condition improved, and his cancer went into remission. He called it an act of God, a second chance at life.
Meanwhile, his son was living with an adopted family in Medford, Ore., nearly 6,000 miles away.
'Perfectionist thing'
Dae Suk took his second chance to improve his life. He went back to school and received a master's degree in English literature at MyungJi University.
Around that time in 1999, Budziak's parents moved the family to Nevada, where he attended Fernley High School. He played baseball and football and was an honor society student.
At UNR, he majored in journalism with an advertising sequence and minored in ethnic studies.
The father and son had never met but later would realize they have many of the same traits -- motivation, enthusiasm, broad cheekbones, forehead structure and relatively tall height for a Korean; Budziak is 5-foot-10.
"I have somewhat of a perfectionist thing I do, and I always try to give my best in everything I do," Dae Suk wrote.
Budziak, full of energy and a bright smile, also shared characteristics with his biological mother.
"Your mother is engaging, sociable, cheerful in all things, and she is charismatic," Dae Suk wrote.
'It was astonishing'
After college, Budziak worked at the Banana Republic outlet in Sparks and quickly moved up in rank to assistant store manager.
When the opportunity to help open some stores in Beijing arose, he jumped at it.
Budziak spent nearly four months in the country and was finally in a place, he said, where he wasn't the only Asian, like he had been through grades K-12.
He quickly learned and adapted to Asian cultures. His favorite dish is Kalguksu, which is "like Korean chicken noodles soup," he said, but with hand-cut noodles.
When he talks with other Korean adoptees, usually through a blog he started (adoptedthoughts.com), he often mentions that he misses Asia.
"I fell in love with the culture," Budziak said.
When he returned to Reno, the jetlag was unbearable. He couldn't sleep. The familiar image of Tiananmen Square crept in his mind.
He remembered seeing Asian families, in particular, one mother, father and a child each holding a miniature Chinese flag.
"For some reason, that struck a chord with me," Budziak said. "It was like, the Asian family."
One morning about 2 a.m., Budziak finally decided to start looking for his birth family. He contacted a Korean adoption agency, not fully convinced they would respond.
Six days later, at about 4 a.m., a reply email popped into his inbox saying his biological parents had been located.
"I literally felt like I was asleep still, and it was a dream," he said. "It was astonishing. I had a bunch of anxiety. It was surreal."
'We would like to ask for forgiveness'
On Dec. 28, Dae Suk walked up the patio to his home after a vacation with Soon Ja Lee to find a telegram pinned to the front door.
It was from the adoption agency and said their long-lost son was searching for them. Dae Suk thought someone made a mistake.
"It was a terrible shock for me at first since I always believed that you died at birth," Dae Suk wrote his son.
At first, the news upset Dae Suk. Soon Ja Lee came clean about the lie, and Dae Suk felt betrayed.
Those feelings turned into remorse. Dae Suk and Soon Ja Lee had sleepless nights wondering if their only son would grant forgiveness for the adoption.
Dae Suk finally responded to Budziak. The first sentence in his first correspondence letter read, "Where could I possibly begin?" Later, it said, "We would like to ask for forgiveness."
The telegram had photos of Budziak, and right away, Dae Suk noted the similar eyebrows. He had his mother's nose. Dae Suk was so sure they were related, he even offered to pay for a DNA test.
'Raising you in love'
Jerry and Vikki Budziak always knew they would adopt a child.
They chose the Holt Korean adoption agency because Jerry Budziak had numerous Korean roommates.
At the time, a nationally syndicated television show, "Hour Magazine," was filming a feature on the founders of the agency, Harry and Bertha Holt. One segment filmed the family's first encounter.
"The moment he was handed to me, he gave me a big squeeze around the neck," Vikki Budziak said. "He bonded immediately with us."
After Vikki and Jerry Budziak divorced, Vikki and John McFarland raised Nathan Budziak in Oregon before moving to Fernley when Budziak was in the eighth grade.
When Budziak was exchanging emails with his biological parents, he reached out to Vikki Budziak.
"I reassured my adopted mother that my love for her won't change because she is my mom "ยป and she will always be my mom, and no woman can take her place," Budziak said. "I never felt like a part of my life was missing because I have had such a wonderful life, and I've grown up with a loving family."
'You are my son'
Since their meeting at the airport in April, when Dae Suk put his hands on Budziak's cheeks and shouted, "You are my son," the family has kept in touch.
Budziak said the communication still is frequent and more meaningful now that he knows them better.
Budziak talks with his sisters, Sena and Jina Ki. He also talks to his 7- and 10-year-old nephews on Facebook.
Budziak hasn't scheduled a trip back to Seoul but said that he intends to.
"They really want to come visit, the whole family does, to meet my adopted parents and thank them in person about raising me to be the man I am," he said. "Also, I plan on going back to South Korea within a year."
Budziak's adoptive mother, Vikki, had a conversation with her son that put the entire experience in perspective.
"She said that mothers have many children, and they have love for them all equally," Budziak said. "So, one child can have the same amount of love for many mothers. It's not just a one-way relationship."
Link to original article: http://www.rgj.com/article/20110626/NEIGHBORHOODS/106260353/UNR-graduate-finds-biological-parents-after-almost-30-years
