Articles

Extraordinary Birthmothers by Debbie Velie

I’m writing this as I sit in the hospital with one of our birthmothers.

She has chosen adoption because she believes she is making the best choice for her baby - and for herself.

She chose and has met the adoptive couple.

This extraordinary birthmother is an awesome person – strong, intelligent and caring. She is willing to bear the grief of her decision because she believes it is the right thing to do. She has been blessed by the joy the adoptive parents are experiencing.

Adoption is my life. It’s my work. It’s my ministry - and it has blessed my life on a personal level.

Twenty-three years ago, my life was forever changed when they placed our daughter, Cori, in my arms.

Three years later, our baby girl, Shaina, blessed our family. I cannot imagine my life without my girls. I know I could not love them more if they had been born to me.

I believe in adoption because I have seen the blessing it has been in the lives of birthmothers, adoptive couples and many precious children.

Sadly, adoption is often misunderstood. Critics believe birthmothers choose adoption because they “don’t want” the baby, when exactly the opposite is true. Birthmothers choose adoption because they are loving and unselfish. They put the well being of the baby above their own feelings and emotions. They believe that the best plan for their baby is to be raised in a two-parent family that is emotionally, spiritually and financially stable.

Our birthmothers are a diverse group – I’ve worked with clients as young as 12 and as old as 44. They come from all economic backgrounds and their circumstances are all unique to them – but they all have one thing in common. . . They do not believe they are prepared to parent the child they are expecting.

I admire and respect these young women and their willingness to take this less traveled road because they believe, for them; it is the right thing to do.

These birthmothers are reassured by what the adoptive couples must go through to be approved. They are comforted by the fact that they can get pictures and updates about the baby after placement. They are glad to hear from me when I have done birthparent search counseling with adults who were adopted as babies, that their precious adopted baby is thankful for the decision their birthmother made. Adopted children are not angry at their birthmother. They acknowledge that their birthmothers’ decision must have been very difficult and emotional, but they wish to contact her to say thank you for blessing me with a wonderful home and a great life.

I’m thankful that adoption allowed me to be a mother to two wonderful daughters and I’m blessed to have adoption be my life’s work,

Taken from "If Only the Hands that Reach Could Touch" (Velie, 2005) Available from New Beginnings